#1

I am no expert on love being young yet I really have not experienced what I can truly describe as love. But that being said there really are so many fascists to love there is not just the love between a man and a woman, there is a love of a parent for their child that I have experienced to the fullest, there is the love of friends that I'd like to think I have experienced there are people in the world that I would give my life for they mean that much to me, there is the love of brothers and sisters believe you me this I have experienced to the oomph degree coming from a family of nine!

As I expressed in my earlier post I am a people watcher there is nothing I enjoy more in life than just sitting in a Cafe and observing people, their interactions, their reactions, their conversations. It gives me a thrill just to think that for one brief second I am experiencing a moment of someones life that will never go away it is written in history it is past and no one can go back and change it.

That being said I have observed many people that exhibit the habits of what this society dictates is what someone does when they are in love. That sweet look a man of seventy gives his wife that says I have loved you all these years and I will go on for eternity loving you. That shy bashful look newly acquainted lovers give each other that says I am not sure what I feel but its good whatever it is. That tired stressed look a mother gives her husband as the children run around her ankles that says I love you but boy sometimes I wish I didn't love you this many times! That doe eyed look newly weds give each other that says I see only you, I love only you. So many kinds of love, so different yet in some ways all the same, all saying that come hell or high water I love you!

I am in the newly acquainted lovers stage when I look in my mans eyes I feel something I won't say its love but whatever it is its good! But we have had our problems, our arguments, our ups and downs and just like anyone just getting together trying to find if we fit each other. Latest of our downs was last night, when the hard times hit just like a new plant being blown by a strong wind what we have seems to bend and break. As I lay in bed feeling like I'd just been kicked in the stomach I wondered if all this was really worth it. Is the whole trying to fit together really worth all the trouble? Is love and the feelings that come with that really worth all the hassle it takes to build it up? When I look at that old man looking at his wife as if its the first time hes seen her and seeing not her age but the beauty he knows is her I wonder if that will ever be me?
Life is hard, and not mincing words at all sometimes it just plain old sucks. Add the complication of love in is it really worth it? Does the gorgeous beautiful feeling it brings really cancel out all the negative that comes right along with it?

I suppose no one really knows the answer to all or even one of those questions, because really who can see the future who knows what will happen tomorrow or even an hour from now? All we can do is try and take one step after another and see where we end up. Life is not a sprint but a journey meant to be taken one day at a time. So I guess the answer to all those questions is I don't know but I'm willing to wait and find out. Maybe at the end of it we will both walk away, maybe at the end it won't work and we will both limp off to lick our wounds and recoup. And then maybe not, maybe what we have is real and it will work out, maybe we have found the person that does fit us, maybe the fights only bring us closer to something so beautiful. So the conclusion I have come to is painful or not, work or not, I am willing to try because love is to beautiful a feeling to walk away from!