#2

Heartbreak is so hard its makes you feel as if you are breaking from the inside out. It makes you feel pain that no pill will ever be able to cure. It makes you want to curl up in a hole somewhere and never wake up because every thought that goes through your head brings you nothing but pain and misery.
I write on this subject because I recently have had someone break my heart. He knew what to say to me, he knew all the right lines, he knew what to do to make me feel just the right way. And then right when I felt like I truly could love him, as soon as I started to think that maybe he was the one he ripped my heart out threw it on the ground and smashed it to pieces.
I will never forget the moment when it ended and I felt like everything was over like my life was gonna end, and really and truly I didn't care. Everything I saw everything I felt was him and I couldn't stop it, I couldn't make it go away. I remember being curled up on the ground crying my heart out and not being able to say anything but " I don't want to hurt anymore" over and over again like a chant. As if some how the words would lessen the pain and make all the bad stuff just float away into oblivion.
I have a belief that everything in life happens for a reason, all the good and the bad happens for a reason because there is something in everything in life that we learn. Something in everything that changes us as a person and makes us who we are at this moment in time. As young as I am I have gone through a lot in life, I have experienced so much pain and suffering and as well as beauty and happiness.
This past year has probably been the toughest yet I have experienced things this year that no one can prepare you for no one can tell you how to feel about it. Things that make you do just what I did that night, things that make you feel just the way I described earlier.
But when I got up from the ground time and time again, when I dried my tears and stilled the sobs when I could again think past the pain and hurt that I felt. I knew that I wouldn't change a thing that I wouldn't go back and take anything away because each and everything that I have gone through has made me who I am today.
So when I climbed up off that floor yet again and I stilled the sobs that seemed to rack my body over and over again, when my thoughts could stop just chanting " I don't want to hurt anymore" and I could think. I knew that I was gonna be OK because despite the hurt I was feeling it was just another step in the journey of life. As long as I can get up again after wards and move on I will be okay and I will never change a thing.